MENLO PARK, CA—As he argued that he of all people should know the difference between the real and virtual worlds, a blood-covered Mark Zuckerberg was reportedly informed Friday that the murder he had just committed was not in the metaverse. “Yeah, right, there’s no way that guy I just killed was real—we’re in the middle of a virtual meeting,” said the Meta CEO, who, after adding that he understood why everyone might be confused, picked up a knife, plunged it into the neck of another employee, and triumphantly exclaimed, “See, it’s fine!” “Relax, everyone. That was just an avatar. In just a few minutes, I’ll take off my Quest headset and everything will be back to normal. In the metaverse, I can cut myself and I won’t feel any pain. Watch!” At press time, Zuckerberg was spotted frantically putting a VR headset onto the corpse and trying to upload it to the company’s servers.
